A Call to Arms

*A picture will be added later, maybe.


So after Socrates dealt with his new robot friend, he decided to get some brunch. Brunch is a delicious combination of breakfast and lunch food items. The best of both words, you might say. A little something for everyone, you might say. Unfortunately, Socrates arrived at space cafeteria a little too late and all that was left was stupid cantaloupe slices...not a guaranteed winner. Infact, Socrates despised Cantaloupe slices. In his highly esteemed opinion, the only thing worse than cantaloupe was baby carrots. Luckily for Socrates, Carrots mutated during the Cortana Wars and now all carrots were frigging twelve feet tall and they tasted like better or something.
So here we are. Socrates is just sitting alone in a barren wasteland of a cafeteria eating cantaloupe slices and hating every second of it when all of a sudden...-----WHHHAAAAAHHHHHH----WHHHAAAAAHHHHHH(Siren Sound)
"Great Scott!" Socrates declared. Some dudes came into the cafeteria and were all like "Everyone there is a security breach in Sector P-16, Stay seated and Stay calm. Help is on the-" and BLAM! A gnarly explosion blasts the two dudes back into the Crustaceus Period. Socrates is kind of shocked but also kind of pumped because this is awesome but also kind of sad because two dudes were just frigging killed...Nevermind, they were just knocked unconcious and one of them scraped his knee. So just to clarify, the death count so far is one mean executioner in the prolougue and a dead little terrier that was killed via space car.
Some people who were clearly evil entered the cafeteria. A man screamed. A beautiful young lass cowered under her table. Socrates made a mental note to holler at her later for she had it going on, for sure. The evil people were wearing all black and like had fire swords and proton tipped flash cannons(Idk?)and were looking to do business.
"Socrates! We come for you!" One of the evil men screeched.
'Lame.' Socrates thought.'I have like no idea what the hell is going on. I am on some ship in space with some random people and robot plato and now these evil hooligans come in here blowing shit up looking for me? On Brunch day? On 'Sorry all that we have left to serve is frigging cantaloupe slices? Well fuck that...Fuck that to high heavens.'
"If you do not come quietly then you will be killed." They scoured the floors searching for the philosopher. They did not need to look long. Socrates quickly stood up, sunglasses on.
"All I wanted today was some pancakes...And Bacon. And maybe some hashbrowns-Hey Rick, do they put onions in the hashbrowns?" Some guy, Rick, looked up.
"Yeah, I think they do." He replied.
"Dammit, I guess no hashbrowns. But anyways, What I was trying to get at was...BRING IT!" A super badass fight ensues. Socrates jumps and dives out of the way of their thunderous laser blasts. Fire swords ignite the room in a blaze of smoke and shadow. Rick drinks some of his Fresca. Whoosh! Zang!!! Socrates uses his jujitsu training on one of the thugs. The thug suffers a brutal defeat. Now Socrates is one on one with the last man. Socrates jumps onto a table. The thug squints heavily. Then Socrates just whips a cantaloupe at the dude and kills him because despite being evil and mean, the thug was frail like the boy in "The Secret Garden" Socrates might have felt bad for killing two men but he was already too busy making out with that hot girl from under the table and high fiving Rick who was still enjoying his delicious Fresca.

Chapter 3: Something Robot Plato This Way Comes

It turned out the war council was canceled or something so Socrates just went to bed. Tomorrow he had a big day ahead of him, in space.
Socrates woke up with a simple and modest dream, that nothing particularly out of the ordinary would happen. He was still a little shaken by, ya know, the whole being in friggin space thing. So our philosopher king wakes up, expecting nothing, but when he opens his groggy drowsy eyes he is shocked to find a giant package.
"Perhaps a gift?" Socrates asked to an empty room. And a gift it was. A gift from the past. It was...
It was...
It was PLATO GX45, a robot with all of Plato's thoughts and memories implanted in its memory core.
Socrates was absolutely flabbergasted, his heart pounded with a mix of sadness and relief. Robots ruled, this was a sentiment that Socrates could get Jiggy with, but Plato was kind of a little bitch. Socks always kind of viewed Plato as the little brother of the group. And now on a brisk space morning, here was Plato now with PLASMA CANNONS. 'Whoever sent me this is going to pay' Socrates thought while biting down on a delicious NECCO WAFER, the only candy worthy of being in the future. (Necco Wafers- A thinking man's snack!)
He was brewing his space coffee when Plato GX45 became self aware.
'HAI HAI HAI HAI, Plato operating system online.' Socrates laughed. Same old plato.
'Wutz up Pdawg?' Socrates asked with a collected malevolence.
'Soc-Soc-Socrates! I thought you were dead!' Robot Plato cried.
'Dead? No. Sent into the distant unknown future where cars can fly and rabbits are extinct, yes.'
'That's sad about the rabbits, Socrates.'
'Yes, yes it is.'
'So we are both in the future, then?' Robot Plato asked. Socrates raised a brow.
'Well kind of. You're totally a robot now. Which means that you are dead.'
'Dang.'

Update Coming Soon

Yo. ITz your dawg here, Chris. i'll b having an update 4 ya soon. It's gonna be good maybe. It isn't "done" or even started for that matter but Ol' Socrates may have a love interest on the way. And a dark evil is afoot. If I take too long in between chapters, let me know. Friggin Comment. Say anything, exchange friendship bread recipes, have a laugh or two.

Chapter 2: Calm Before the Storm

*Note-These pictures are going to get worse before they get any better.




Socrates and the two guards laughed it up as Socrates told a few zingers over delicious oven fresh pizza. Socrates was pleased with the quality of the pizza. It was way better than the pizza in Athens which was probably nonexistent. Listen, I am merely a simple storyteller weaving a simple story so don’t worry too much in the details. Quietly enjoying the tranquility of the moment and the beauty of the day, Socrates began to gently strum a classical guitar and serenaded the room with his gentle cooing.
“I…I don’t need to lie, look in my eyes and in my heart when I’m saying.” Socrates spoke in a quiet whisper. “I wrote that, dudes.” Socrates tipped his sunglasses down from his eyes with one hand while putting his acoustic guitar away with the other hand.
“That was a Boston song.” Jerry the guard snapped. “It was called ‘Living for You’, I think.”
Socrates started to bite down on a slice of piping hot pepperoni pizza. He was blushing hardcore because he had been caught. Socdawg was quite sure the music of Boston would be archaic in the year 2099 XE but Jerry seemed to name the song pretty darn quick. Socrates even picked one of the lesser known classics, too. He picked up the guitar again.
“Well it has been such a long time, guys. I think I should be going. You may or may not know but time doesn’t wait for me. It keeps on going.” Surely Jerry in his musical wisdom will miss out on this quote. Socrates even added a few extra words to throw him off the trail.
“Well I am sure we will forget you after you are gone.” Jerry slyly quipped. Blasted! Lexington Nash, the guard who had recently lost his puppy due to space car negligence gave a small smile. “Socrates! That song is even more popular than the one you sang earlier. You don’t need to impress us with your songwriting skills.”
“My Stars! I guess me and the lead singer must have the same taste in words or something.” Socrates said with a feigned shock. Never has he been caught plagiarizing popular rock music as badly as today and these people don’t even mind. Socrates suddenly felt a sense of welcoming and friendship.
So you may not have noticed the name of the character, Lexington Nash. Pretty great name, right? It seems like it should belong to a grizzly lumberjack who defends America from Redcoats and Nazis and he has a supermodel wife who loves him for him and he also coaches little league. For some reason, Microsoft Word doesn’t think that last sentence was a run on. Agree to disagree, Microsoft Word!
“So are there any aliens in the galaxy?” Socrates inquired.
“Oh well-“ Lexington Nash was about to answer but he was immediately cutoff by a more pressing issue.
“Sounds awesome. Yo Jerry, you eating that crust or what?” Socrates was kind of interested in aliens but that crust was staring into his soul. It was not even just crust, it was like crust and with a little bit of tomato and cheese. A friend who does not eat crust is a friend worth having. That was definitely going into the ‘Socrates Proverb Book’ he was writing. Socrates had the best proverbs of all time. For example, “Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day but teach a man how to fish and he’ll eat for a week and then get sick of fish and then he’ll starve to death…sorry dude.” Or the classic proverb “Ladies, stop staring at my abs and start kissing me”
“Just finish eating fast. We have to go to the war council.”
“Wah…wah…war council?” Socrates gasped as though he had seen a ghost.
“Yes. The Crohan Empire has almost successfully taken over the galaxy. The council will deliberate our first moves in taking the fight back to them!” Lexington Nash spoke proudly. As proud as any ex dog owner could be, that is.
“Well why couldn’t we just time travel back to a time before there was any Crohan Empire and just you know, live peacefully and stuff?” Lexington and Jerry both scoffed at this remark.
"Did Aragon or Legolas just time travel out of Helm’s Deep when the wall broke? Did Ben Affleck just time travel out of Pearl Harbor? Did the tramp just time travel away from the Lady when he wasn’t quite ready for commitment? The answer is no. my Philosopher friend. They did what needed to be done!”
“But Ben Affleck died at the end of the movie.”
“Yeah, but the Lady and the Tramp had pasta fun times.” Lexington whipped back. Socrates realized that maybe he was right. Maybe the pasta ends sometimes justify the not time traveling means. Sometimes you must go to War!

Chapter 1: Space Aint A Journey but a Destination, Son

------











------

Socrates woke up and peered around his room. It was small and poorly lit but it had a WI-FI connection and a small TV which had the potential to be defined highly. As Socrates got out of his bed, the door opened.

ZAMMM!


Two soldiers entered into the room slowly. They were armed with XT190 blaster pistols which were quite old. Anybody who was anybody in the year 2099 could tell you that the new FF Plasma was the way of the future. The problem with the XT190 was that the proton fuser sometimes could malfunction despite the recent proton advancements in 2076. As the guards approached, Socrates became as straight as a super straight board which as you may know is pretty straight. The two soldiers peered down at Socrates coldly. The tension was building as the super philosopher awaited the first move of his guests.

Suddenly one of the soldiers reached out his hand and helped Socrates out of his bed.

“Socrates, my grace, we are at your service.” The two soldiers both kneeled…on their knees.

“I am indeed Socrates but what great service have I done to warrant such salutations?” Socrates said humbly. He was really pumped that he made such a sick sentence and thought briefly of writing it down to reflect upon later. Seriously though that sentence really was pretty great and Socrates deserves to be proud.

“It is not what you have done but what you are destined to do. What you are destined to become.” One of the soldiers replied.

“Aw shoot!” Socrates thought. “That sounded really deep and had philosophical elements to it. There is no way this guy can construct sentences as awesome as I can. I need to kick things to the MAX!” Socrates decided to stare the soldier in the eyes. The soldiers eye’s were blue like his heart…because he had just found out that his puppy got hit by a space car yesterday but Socrates didn’t know this. The guy didn’t even stop to see what happened, he just kept on driving…his space car. The sad tale about the man and his departed puppy is irrelevant to the epic saga being unfolded but you should really know about this because if the soldier happens to be a jerk, it’s not really the guy’s fault. His puppy died!

As Socrates stared at the sad soldier he thought of a really smart thing to say which would be classy and sassy which is probably the best kind of sentence.

“Well my fine sir, I implore you not to rely on the goodwill of a stranger for it can lead to more trouble than good. There once was a man who dropped a letter to his lover down a great hill. A minute later, a great eagle swept down and picked up the letter. This pleased the man, who imagined the eagle dropping the letter back up the hill. But the eagle didn’t and the guy was disappointed. It’s kind of like the same thing as what you two guys did except my story had an animal in it so it kind of rocks a little bit harder.”

“Wow. If there was a battle between you and I over who can talk the best you clearly just won because you told a parable which is sassy but at the same time maintains a bit of class that you just can not beat!” The soldier who had a puppy once straightened up immediately. He figured that after losing a cute little terrier, talking to Socrates would be a walk in the park but that is not the case sometimes.

“We need to take you to our leader. She will be able to clarify everything for you.”

“Oh I almost forgot to ask. Where am I and why am I not in Athens and why is it the future and how did you get me into the future and do people really find SODUKU puzzles thrilling because I simply do not find them exciting or fun in the least bit? Socrates realized he was flipping out a little bit. Being a man of great virtue, he never found himself flipping out but right now he was on the verge of flipping out hardcore.

“It’s the year 2099 XE and SODUKU puzzles are fun just because they are, silly!” Socrates had never been called silly but he did not like it very much.

“The future… As a young boy, I dreamt of being in space and living in a different time but it totally blows so far. I would like very much to dance with my free thinking friends in Athens once more.”

“You have much to see Socrates. Space is big and is more than meets the eye. You’ll be dancing in Athens one day I assure you but try to be optimistic about space. You see space aint no journey son…it’s a destination and you never know what’s waiting for you. I want some pizza, want some pizza Socrates?”

“Of course!” Socrates gasped.

Prologue

------










------


In the darkest and coldest cell in Athens, A philosopher awaited his execution. Hemlock was to be the drink to wash down Socrates final moments. Socrates heard that hemlock tasted bad and this made death pretty undesirable because Socrates was used to delicious beverages.

“Why couldn’t hemlock taste like Wild Cherry?” Socrates wondered intently. Socrates loved Wild Cherry soda so much. He would drink it with every meal and at every possible event in which beverages were acceptable. Wild cherry soda was wild indeed and was able to captivate Socrates’ heart more than any other soda in the world.

A man in a dark robe walked down slowly. He carried a torch which dimly glowed upon his face. Socrates recognized this man immediately. His name was Thrasymachus and he was a total dick. Many a time Socrates had to ice Thrasymachus in public…many a time. One time Thrasymachus was telling Plato and the gang that blueberry ego waffles were the best kind and Socrates had to step in. He argued that blueberry waffles are okay but the cinnamon sugar ones that are actually four small square shaped waffles are indeed the best. Plato then argued that in a fair and virtuous state, every man had the right to their own opinion. It was then decided that Plato wasn’t allowed to speak when the adults were debating crazy and exciting issues ever again. Socrates had a creeping suspicion that Plato enjoyed banana flavored waffles anyways. What a Character!!!!

Thrasymachus hid his face deep within his hood. Pretty much the way the emperor from “Star Wars” wore his hood but a little bit differently because he is doing it in Athens. Descriptions are pretty necessary and everything, but the dude looks just like the guy from the movie so why bother describing it myself, right?

“Socrates, the hour draws near!” Thrasymachus coldly stated. He grinned. Socrates sat in silence. “Don’t worry, no one will miss you. And without you in the picture, I will be unstoppable!”

“People will still think you’re a dick.” Socrates yelled. If he wasn’t in a prison cell, he would definitely be punching someone in the kidneys right now. Can you guess who?

If you guessed Thrasymachus, you are RIGHT!!!! Unfortunately, Socrates was in a cell so Thrasymachus and his kidneys remained intact. Thrasymachus gave Socrates one last grin before he slowly retreated back up the stairs.

“Ugh, I hate that guy!” Socrates proclaimed. “If only I had my utility belt. I could totally break out of here and stop Thrasymachus from being the philosophy top dawg.” But alas, Socrates gave up crime fighting ages ago and no longer carried his utility belt.

All of a sudden, the sky outside Socrates’ window opened up. It started to downpour and winds were sweeping up the streets picking up dust and other things that can be found on the ground… BAM!!! The door to the dungeon opened. It was his time to go onto the next journey in life. Unfortunately, he still had to drink icky hemlock but maybe they’d at least put an umbrella in his drink.

CRASH!!!!!SLAM! The wall to Socrates’ cell crashed open. A man wearing space pants and a weird shirt with the moon on it sprinted into the cell. He was armed with a futuristic gun and sunglasses.

“Socrates…Come quick! We need to get you out of here!” The spaceman cried. Socrates was pretty freaked out because this guy was raising the roof left and right and Socrates wasn’t sure if he could keep up.

“Who…who are you?” Socrates gasped.

“My name is Paul. Paul Moondancer and I’ve come to rescue you. There isn’t much time.”

“I don’t think I want to go with you, Paul.”

“There’s Soda, Wild cherry!” Paul replied. Socrates was flabbergasted at the mere mention of such a doubtful remark. But his fears quickly subsided.

“I can not see any other way around it. I have to go with you. It is settled!” Socrates gasped. Wild cherry soda will soon be a reality. Socrates satisfaction level skyrocketed to new heights.

“But first, I have business to attend to.” Socrates took Paul’s gun and turned the safety off. He then put on Paul’s glasses.
The executioner dropped his glass of hemlock. He reached down for his axe and started to charge Socrates. Socrates smiled. With his hand calmly on the trigger, he awaited his new guest. Socrates dodged the first swing and then he fired. BAM!

“Shouldn’t bring an axe to a futuristic gunfight!” Socrates said.

He ran up the stairs looking for Thrasymachus. Socrates sprinted towards the tower of Hedonan. That was where Thrasymachus spent most of his time. As he climbed the stairs of the great tower, he grew tired. But vengeance has no room for rest. He entered the main chamber and found the room to be dimly lit. He was not surprised. ‘What is up with this guy?’ Socrates wondered. Everything is poorly lit when he is around. Maybe he has an evil and dark side. Maybe???
Socrates looked around the room but found no sign of his enemy. There was parchment and scrolls filled with dark, occult writings. It seemed as though Thrasymachus was into Necromancy.

Well could a necromancer stop a laser bullet from the future? Socrates was about to find out… Socrates turned around to open the door when he saw Thrasymachus with a dagger in his hand. Before he could even think, he got stabbed in the stomach. Everything turned black.

Preface

Socrates 2099 X.E is a turbulent fascinating look at the way philosophy has transformed the future in the most literal sense. A philosopher goes to the future and changes the world with his wisdom.
The man is Socrates. He was very wise. He had friends and loved laughter. He questioned things. This relies on you having the same understanding of philosophy as me. Basically you needed to have taken a philosophy class in high school and skipped a lot of it during the time when the class was studying Plato's "The Republic". So from what I understand of the book that I went out of my way not to read is that it is about Socrates laying down the laws. And in that book, there was this dude named Thrasymachus,who kept fighting with the S-Man and Socrates ruins him with logic. So um, Preface over.

This will be serialized and hopefully will establish this great American writer as the next Charles Dickens.